Posts tagged photography

so much easier said than done.

i’ve been here for just over three months now, i think, and it’s safe to say this isn’t exactly what i imagined it would be like. instead of laying out on the beach, flipping my beautiful sun-drenched hair, playing with friends and not giving a shit about anything in the world, i find myself caring more than ever. caring about what people think, how i look, what i’ll be doing friday night…if i will be sitting on my couch writing again instead of out with the new friends i thought i would have. i know that these things will come in time, and that patience is not one of my strongest attributes…i’m not sure it’s one of my attributes at all…but i can’t help but feeling alone here…often.

i’ve made the mistake of putting all of my eggs in one basket…putting too much weight on things that maybe i shouldn’t…that maybe, don’t deserve it. it’s amazing to have something in your life that is a guaranteed high. something that you can always feel good about…but the problem with that is, what about when it’s not there? or what if it lets you down? what if it doesn’t make you feel like you are the greatest thing in the world…

::phone home…mom? are you there?::

the solution seems easy, right? get rid of it. unfortunately, like most things in this hamster wheel we call life, it’s complicated, and of course, it’s not easy. sometimes you find yourself running so hard and so fast that you really believe you are near reaching your goal…almost there…that wheel is finally going to break free of it’s constraints and you’re going to ride that thing off into the sunset….Victory! but fuck. what do hamsters know?

so why do we keep going back for more? why always trying just to fail repeatedly? why don’t we learn our lessons? well…part of this journey was to learn and to recognize when i’m walking a path that i have before…and either correcting it, or finding a new one.

time to get a life.

having the opportunity to dedicate yourself to one thing, something you are truly passionate about, is a gift. just make sure that whatever you dedicate yourself to is a worthy cause, and will reciprocate the passion you pour into it…otherwise you are just running in that wheel again, and never moving forward.

so my thought is…keep your options open. try a few things before you settle, and find the right fit…and always have an escape for when things go wrong. with great passion comes great results, but also great disappointment. friends can make it better…and having something to love can also make it better…just make sure your friends are true, and that your love is not one-sided, and you’ll be ok.

i think…

*i wrote this before going home for the holidays and never posted…things have turned around since then, but i can’t expect to always have that healthy overdose of family there to pick me back up when i fall…we’ll see…*