It’s funny, sometimes, the things we get attached to. I still have my first doll…What is today a old, beat-up, scruffy, stuffed animal, was once my best friend and my whole world. I’m pretty sure mom still has my first tooth…My sister still has my dad’s old wallet. Little trinkets of our past can hold deep meaningful memories of our youth, of times of transition, celebration, milestones in our lives…and will remain forever as symbols of how far we’ve come.
I lost my fish today…I know, you were imagining something more profound. Silly how emotional I am about my fish…so much so that I have been inspired to write, but if you follow me on twitter, you would know that I have spent countless days and nights, poured much blood, sweat, and tears into maintaining Frankenfish and his 28 gallon underwater wonderland (which was hardly a wonderland, but it was nice, i think). I can’t really say that it has been solely a selfless humane effort either. He was my first pet. A symbol of my independence. I got him 6 years ago, wow, almost 7 now, when I first moved into my own place. He was my first responsibility other than myself.
So…he was special to me. I was attached. We both outlived our roommates, we both hate my cats, and when I got bigger diggs, he got a bigger tank. Even with my upcoming move, I knew he could not come with me, but I was excited that he would take up residence at my sister’s place, where my nephew could enjoy him. I think he would have…enjoyed him.
I know that 7 years is a long life for a fish, and even as I’m sitting her crying and writing this, I am not unaware of how ridiculous and juvenile it sounds—thoughts of Brittany singing about her cup in the last episode of Glee, Horcrux’s in Harry Potter, and even some absolute ridiculousness from some book I read about a dragon come to mind—but we don’t choose what will and will not have meaning in our lives. I bet you some of you have held on to a sliver of paper pulled from a stale Chinese fortune cookie because the message had some kind of meaning for you…or a ticket stub from a game or a concert or a show, a birthday card, a photograph…all paper. No heartbeat, but it still has meaning, right?
What it comes down to are the memories and ideas we attach to objects, and the love we pour into them.
My apartment feels so quiet now…